The Skeeve: An Analysis

 

Some of you folks may be unfamiliar with the term “skeeve”, commonly used to refer to an instinctive, immediate, physical reaction of shock and disgust to an unpleasant stimulus. I will attempt to clarify by using examples to illustrate, as well as to address some concepts that are related to the skeeve, such as the wiggins and the huzz.

A skeeve is not to be mistaken for a wiggins. A wiggins is the chill that accompanies a feeling of fright, or at least of weird, Twilight-Zone-ish coincidence. You know that saying, “A goose just walked across my grave”? That is a wiggins. A skeeve is also not exactly a huzz, which is a wonderful Southern term (anything with a short “u” sounds best when uttered with a serious drawl; my favorite is “whut?!?”) that describes that “ick-nasty” feeling you get when you suddenly realize either that there was a worm in your apple (half a worm = Super Huzz) or that the extremely pervy guy who sits in the back of the class just took a picture of you with his phone when you bent over to pick up a pencil you dropped.

A skeeve is more physical than the mere shiver of a wiggins or the stomach drop of a huzz. A minor skeeve typically involves a rapid shaking “no” of the head with shoulders trembling and is frequently accompanied by what I like to call “involuntary jazz hands”. The full-body skeeve combines the abovementioned with shaking of the lower body, as well, and a sufficiently disgusting or creepy stimulus may also induce the “walking skeeve”, which is a full-body skeeve that requires the sufferer to pace around a bit while skeeving, in order to diffuse the shock. The ultimate skeeve would be a walking, full-body skeeve starting from a seated position. If you can tell your drinking buddies a story so severely jacked up that you can propel them from their chairs and make them march around writhing and making the baby-tasting-a-lemon face, you have scored.

Lastly, the root word “skeeve” is both a noun (as in, “That gave me such a skeeve”) and a verb (as in, “Richard’s breath made me skeeve so hard”), including other common forms, such as skeeving and skeeved, and has also been adapted as an adjective (as in, “Who is that skeevy guy in the corner?”), so there should be a skeeve derivation for pretty much any purpose. 

And there you have it: a thorough analysis of the skeeve. Now the next time you find yourself making involuntary jazz hands over something that tastes (or just sounds) terrible, you'll know what to call it!

Here are some creepy songs that might make you skeeve: https://bucketofuseful.blogspot.com/2023/06/the-creepiest-songs-by-beatles.html

Image credit: https://www.pexels.com/photo/a-woman-with-a-disgusted-facial-expression-8637946/

Top Five Books to Read on the Plane

 

Here are my best suggestions for interesting reading on the plane. Engrossing novels for travel and great nonfiction picks, too!

Going to take an airplane trip soon? If you’re like me, you won’t be able to simply lean back and snooze away the flight, so let’s make sure to have reading material handy. Magazines just won’t do for reading on the plane. Not only do they not usually last the whole flight, with no continuous story to keep a reader engrossed, there are too many opportunities to stop reading and go back to boredom, anxiety, drinking an inadvisable amount, or working up irritation over the silly things people do on airplanes that wouldn’t even get to you if you were lost in a nice, spellbinding read (add those last two together, and you’ve really got a problem). To that end, here are my recommendations for in-flight entertainment of the literary kind:

1. The Horror Story: As long as it doesn’t involve airplanes, a horror story is a great pick, because they are usually quite riveting and your objective is to make the hours pass. Also, since you will be on a well-lit airplane surrounded by people instead of alone in a dark, creaky house on a windy night, you shouldn’t be able to get TOO traumatized. My recommendation in the horror category is Duma Key by Stephen King, which takes place in the Florida keys (no airplanes involved) and is very well-paced to keep you reading, creepy enough to get your horror fix fulfilled, and long enough to last through all but the longest flights. Click to read the whole review.

2. The Mystery: Ah, nothing keeps one immersed in Bookworld like a good mystery. The Name of the Rose by Umberto Eco is my all-time favorite mystery, plunging the reader into the shadowy, intricate world of a medieval monastery. If you’ve already read the Eco, try the scary, thrilling The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova, which covers a broad historical span from the Byzantine Era to modern times, as well as a large swath of the globe. You will learn some things, be creeped out, and follow a tantalizing mystery throughout this satisfyingly long book. Click to read review of The Historian.

3. The Thriller: One of my favorite thriller authors is James Patterson. His novels are breathlessly-paced, can’t-put-‘em-down works of sheer adrenaline. A lot of Patterson’s novels feature Alex Cross, the Washington D.C.-based homicide detective. Each of the Cross books stand alone, but if you don’t want to get into a continuing-character series (references to past events and in-jokes are just less fun, aren’t they?), a good one-book story like The Quickie makes for an engrossing read. Click to read review of The Quickie by James Patterson.

4. The Learning Experience: Fiction may not be your bag, but although non-fiction can be thought-provoking, informational and even entertaining, what you want here is something that will keep you going for the whole flight, not something divided by subject or exercise. A great nonfiction story is the right call, here; you can follow along and learn things the whole time. Autobiography of a Face by Lucy Grealy is a gripping story that gives the reader a vicarious ride along with the author as she experiences life with a disfigurement. If you want a more lighthearted read, any of Bill Bryson’s travelogues (Notes from a Small Island and In a Sunburned Country are good choices, especially if you are headed to England or Australia) or the “green” comedy-of-errors Almost Green: How I saved 1/6^th of a Billionth of the Planet by James Glave. Click to read review of Glave book.

5. The Literary Novel: Here, we have to tread carefully; it’s awfully easy to pick something that’s good but that might end up making you cry (The Red Tent by Anita Diamant), which could be a tad embarrassing in front of a planeload of strangers. We also might want to avoid a choice that might make you howl with mirth (anything by David Sedaris, Dave Barry or Dave Eggers—those Daves will make you giggle and jiggle and truly annoy your seatmate). So something that makes you think, touches you without torturing you and leaves you feeling fulfilled is in order. I recommend anything by Barbara Kingsolver, especially The Poisonwood Bible if you have a very long flight. For a shorter flight, try Unless: a Novel by Carol Shields. Click to read full review for Unless. Click to read full review of Prodigal Summer

Now that you have an armload of recommendations, have a great flight! Oh, and you might want to take a magazine anyway; they’re good for shutting up a chatty seatmate. No, don’t whack the person with the magazine; just offer kindly. They will usually take the hint. If they don’t, you can always whack them until they do!

image credit: https://www.pexels.com/photo/a-man-reading-a-book-3884217/

Step-By-Step Guide: How to Paint New Windows

 

Getting new windows installed is expensive, but you can save hundreds of dollars in expenses by painting them yourself. This step-by-step guide will show you how easy it is to paint your own windows and save money!

You will need:

Painter’s tape (I like 3M brand blue painter’s tape)

Masking corners (optional)

1” soft paintbrush (angled sash)

¼” flat artist’s paintbrush

Rag (an old washcloth is fine)

Interior latex paint in your chosen color (gloss is best for trim)

Paint can opener and stir sticks (should be free where you purchase paint)

Small empty paint can (very cheap and easily found at hardware stores)

Paintable caulk (DAP brand’s “ALEX FAST DRY” is my favorite)

Caulking gun

Dropcloth or large old towel or sheet, as needed

NOTE: You should read the instructions through at least once before you start, and probably before you even shop for materials, so that you will already have a feel for what you will be doing.

Step One: Prepare for Painting

Usually, surface prep for painting involves cleaning and sanding, but you are in luck—the wood frames and trim of your new windows are all ready to accept paint. Just wipe down the surfaces (don’t forget the tops of the frames!) with your clean, dry rag to get rid of any dust or grit that may be left over from installation, then mask the windows for painting.

NOTE: Most new windows have a sheet of clear vinyl clinging to the glass that protects it from smudges during installation. Go ahead and leave it in place until you are finished painting. It will continue to protect your windows from smudges and stray paint smears.

If you have purchased masking corners, these will be convenient to use when masking the inner corners of the windows, but pre-fab corners are expensive! You can get the same results by cutting or neatly tearing your tape at a 45-degree angle and mitering the edges together in the corners, like a picture frame. Don’t forget to mask around the outside of the window frame, too—you may need to do some creative tearing to get around the decorative trim of the sill, but the time you invest in getting it right will produce the best finished results.

Step Two: Start Small

Normally when you paint a wall, you remove the switchplates and outlet covers, and when you paint a door, you might remove the hardware and replace it after, but removing hardware from windows to paint is unnecessary, impractical and even unsafe (remember, even if you’re using quick-drying latex paint, you still should always allow at least a day for the caulk to dry, and ideally for each coat of paint as well, and you don’t want to have to leave your windows unlockable—or even inoperable.

Fortunately, there is an easy way to quite literally get around this problem by using a small brush to paint around the hardware and into the nooks and crannies, keeping everything neat, ensuring complete coverage and making it easier for you later. Use your small flat artist’s paintbrush to nip around the edges of window locks, tilt release mechanisms and into tight corners and the outside edges. I normally just walk from window to window, carrying my little brush, my rag, and a quantity of paint transferred into a small can, and do all of this in one big swoop. Later you can use this smaller can to store your leftover paint, instead of letting it dry out in the big can.

Step Three: First Coat

By the time your small-brush painting on the last window is done, your first one will be completely dry and ready to accept the first coat of paint. Apply this coat smoothly and evenly, and don’t try to make it too thick. It’s completely normal to still be able to see the wood somewhat through the paint. Making the first coat too thick will make it sticky, gloppy and uneven. Just glide it on, making sure all of the wood’s surface is covered.

IMPORTANT: As you are painting the sashes, make sure to move them up and down incrementally as you paint, so they don’t get stuck shut. If you are in a tearing hurry, you may apply caulk when the first coat of paint is dry to the touch, but you should probably just knock off for the day and let the paint sit overnight to “cure” and fully harden.

Step Four: Apply Caulk

This is a simple step, but it can be a little messy if you let it get out of control. You can ignore the painting supplies for the day; you will need just the tube of caulk, caulking gun, and your rag to work, although you will want some Kleenex, some tape, and some sturdy scissors to cut the tip off the caulk tube. Insert the caulk tube into the caulk gun, tuck your rag into your belt or pants pocket, cut the tip off the tube, gently squeeze the trigger off the caulking gun a couple of times just so the caulk begins to emerge at a slow but even pace, and…

…here’s my advice to avoid making an unholy mess: Don’t use the caulking gun like you think you should, letting caulk “flow” from the tip onto the window’s surface. This is a great method when you are caulking in a long line around the edge of something, but in this case you are only going to be filling a series of small holes left behind from finishing nails that are countersunk in the trim.

So, assume the following position: Cradle the caulking gun in your non-dominant arm like you’re carrying an Uzi, but with your hand near the end so that you can use your non-working finger to cover the tip (otherwise caulk will just keep oozing out in a long ribbon and you will be like Lucy in the chocolate factory trying to keep it under control, wasting product, creating a mess and hating life). Using your finger as a pressure valve, let little bits of the caulk pop out, grab them onto the tip of your dominant finger and pop them onto the little holes, smoothing them out as you go. Easy Cheesy! You will probably have to wipe a little caulk off your “stopper” finger from time to time, and as the flow of caulk slows you will need to give it another gentle trigger squeeze or two, but this is the easiest and least messy way to apply caulk in small doses.

Let the caulk dry overnight. Incidentally, the reason you are caulking between coats instead of before painting is that it is much easier to smooth the caulk out over the painted surface than the bare wood—you can even get splinters from the wood, no matter how smooth it seems, so give it a coat of paint first! Your caulk will leave little matte smears all over your glossy paint, but those will disappear under the second coat, so no worries.

Step Five: Apply Second Coat

This is the easiest step and the most fun, because you will see your finished results quickly. Apply the second coat evenly and smoothly, as you did with the first coat, and you should have full coverage over the wood now, as well as coverage of the caulked bits, resulting in a smooth, gorgeous finished product. As with the first coat, don’t forget to keep moving the window sashes up and down to keep them from sticking shut.

Allow paint to dry to the touch, then slowly and carefully remove the masking: Lift the outer edges—the ones that are not directly against the painted surface—first, then pull toward the inner edges to prevent that annoying situation where a tiny little edge of the tape tears off against the painted edge. So this means you want to pull your vertical masking tape off somewhat horizontally and your horizontal tape off kind of vertically, okay? You’ll get the hang of it. Now you can peel off the clingy vinyl (the manufacturer’s stickers should come off with it—any that are directly on the glass are pretty easy to peel off).

Step back and admire your awesome new windows! You did a good job and saved a ton of money—what’s not to love?

Image credit: https://www.pexels.com/photo/unrecognizable-workman-installing-window-in-new-apartment-5691521/

New Year's Resolutions--Yea or Nay?

I've seen people state, somewhat defiantly, that they are most definitely not making New Year's resolutions. Their positions are generally that it's just pointless to make New Year's resolutions, because most people break them more or less right away. I saw a funny meme on Facebook in which a woman says she is going to open a place and name it "Resolutions". For the first two weeks of the year, it's a gym, and then after that it turns into a bar. Hee!

But seriously, I'm actually an advocate for resolutions, and not only only New Year's resolutions, but also resolutions tied to other memorable holidays, like Earth Day (April 22), when I make environmentally-friendly resolutions (see here: http://bucketofuseful.blogspot.com/2016/04/earth-day-resolutions-new-tradition.html). A lot of people observe Lent or Ramadan (usually not both), which involves fasting or giving up certain things, and you could make special resolutions for special events, like doing something heart-healthy every day in February in honor of Valentine's Day and Women's Heart Health Month like healthy changes in diet, exercise, and stress reduction.

See, there is one main reason that New Year's resolutions fail miserably. THEY ARE TOO BIG. First of all, you are making a resolution for a whole year, and that's tough. Bite off smaller, chewable pieces. Resolve to do 'A' for the month of January, then 'B' for the month of February, and so on. If 'A' is a torture, then you only have a month to get through it. If you get good at it, nobody said you have to stop.

Not only are New Year's Resolutions too big, time-wise, they are also usually way too big in scope. Instead of resolving to "quit smoking", which is too draconian, or to "lose weight", which is too nebulous, you should resolve to do something very specific, such as resolving to research different methods of quitting, and to try one each month until you find one that works for good. You are allowing that you might not succeed at one given thing, but that you will keep trying, and without this absolute mentality of pass/fail, you won't find yourself holding yourself to an unsustainably strict standard that could end up in a bad backlash.

The bad thing about resolutions is that they can create stress if the bar is set too high. The good thing about them is, if done right, they can set a specific goal to strive for, and even if you don't meet that goal, the mere act of trying to meet it is bound to help. 

Free use image from Pixabay https://pixabay.com/en/new-year-s-eve-new-year-s-greetings-1905144/

Secret Santa Too Well-Behaved? How to Conduct a Dirty Santa Gift Exchange

 

"Secret Santa" gift exchanges are common at offices and groups of friends or classmates at Christmas time. It's a good way to make sure everyone gets a present who wants to participate and have a fun little partylike atmosphere. It's exciting opening presents, getting something and seeing what other people got! If you don't know how to do a "Secret Santa" gift exchange, I explain it here:https://bucketofuseful.blogspot.com/2024/11/how-to-conduct-secret-santa-gift.html

But depending on the character of your office, a far more raucous and funny time can be had with a "Dirty Santa" gift exchange. Now, 'dirty' doesn't mean 'adult' or 'kinky', even though you could choose that as a theme for presents (maybe more for your friends than your coworkers), it 'refers to 'sneaky' and 'underhanded'. Why would a gift exchange be sneaky and underhanded? Because it's more fun that way! Read on:

For a "Dirty Santa" exchange, you are not assigned to buy for anyone in particular, so it's nice to bring a gift anyone can use--at the one I attended, I took a bag with assorted shampoo and soaps, and I came home with a nice blanket. Gifts are wrapped to disguise what they are, at least at first. Everyone who has brought a gift picks a number out of a bag, and the number they get determines the order in which they go to pick their gift. You would think the person who goes first has the best number, but that's actually not true--the person who goes LAST usually has the most advantage.

This is why: The person with number 1 goes up to the pile of gifts and chooses the one s/he wants, then opens it so everyone can see. If it's a really nice gift, it's best not to get too attached to it, because the person who has number 2 can either go pick a gift from the pile, or STEAL the gift that has already been opened. The person who goes third can steal from either of the first two, and so on. The person who goes last can either choose the last remaining wrapped gift, or steal from anyone who went before, which is why it is an advantage.

Now, don't feel too bad for the person whose gift gets stolen, because that makes them the person who is "up", giving them the opportunity to either choose OR steal a gift. There are only two rules about stealing: 1. You can't steal immediately back from the person who stole from you; 2. Each gift can only be stolen only twice, and then it's "home forever" and immune to being stolen, so if you are the third person to pick that same gift, it's yours!

This makes for a hilarious game, as people talk trash and steal gifts and laugh--it always gets a great laugh when something gets stolen repeatedly, or when one person keeps getting stolen FROM and gets to make a fuss! And of course the more people play, the more gifts and the more mischief, so if you have a more lively bunch of people, the "Dirty Santa" gift exchange is for you!

Image credit: https://www.pexels.com/photo/excited-ethnic-woman-with-christmas-gift-box-6113591/

How to Conduct a "Secret Santa" Gift Exchange

 

Many people have gift exchanges at their school or work this time of year, in which people purchase a small gift to contribute, usually with a dollar amount ($15-$20 is common) suggested, and then those gifts are matched up.

A common way to do this is called "Secret Santa", in which everyone who wants to participate signs up on a list that is posted up until a deadline to participate. When the deadline passes, all the names of people who want to play are collected, and then each person is given someone to buy for (usually you pick names randomly out of a bag). The 'secret' part is that you know who you are buying for, but you don't tell them, and you don't know who is giving you a gift.

This makes sense in two ways: knowing who you are getting a gift for may help you figure out what to get--you can tailor your choice based on the gender, age, and interests of the person. And of course, because you are Santa, you can do so secretly!

After you have purchased the gift for your designated person, you wrap it with a tag that has only their name on it. At the party, the gifts will all have only who they are for, but who they are from can remain a mystery (sometimes people will tell each other later). Normally, people take turns opening their presents so that everyone can see what they got. This can either be sweet, on the "ooh and ahh" side, or it can be funny, if someone gets an entertaining gift (gag gifts occur sometimes at these things, since one can escape blame)!

This is a fun way for everyone to participate and not leave anyone out who wants to participate. Also, some people may not want to join the exchange, and so they are not forced to, and everyone is happy. Add some drinks and food, and this makes for a nice little party!

Image credit: https://www.pexels.com/photo/man-in-gray-blazer-holding-a-christmas-gift-14524113/

Why Do Americans Look Forward to Black Friday? It Sounds Scary!

I realize that in other parts of the world, seeing all these items on the internet about Black Friday probably confuses people who are not from the United States, or from English-speaking countries, anyway. I am pretty sure that everyone is smart enough to suss out that Black Friday is the day after Thanksgiving here in the US, and that it is associated with Christmas shopping and with large sales. But why do we call it "Black Friday"? That sounds like something bad happens. 

We do tend to associate black with bad stuff, and we even had a "Black Friday" before in our history that was bad--a financial crisis in 1869. But in this case, black is a good thing. See, most of the year, stores don't make a profit, and financial losses were traditionally recorded in red ink. But when Christmas shopping increases sales, stores finally become profitable, and profits are recorded in black ink. So it's called "Black Friday" because this is usually when stores start to operate "in the black", meaning "at a profit". 

So, now you understand why retailers are very, very happy to see black, even though Black Friday can be a little scary, with all the crazy shoppers running over each other to get the best deals. They might have to re-name it "Black Eye-day!" 

Image credit https://pixabay.com/en/words-wordcloud-cloud-black-friday-1797603/